When you seek inspiration from yourself….

 

Even as I was telling my daughter about how long it took me to master my fear of driving a car and how I feel so happy that I could finally do it and also told her that she too will soon master her swimming which she has just started learning and is extremely scared of, I suddenly realized that I should maybe take a time-out and think about some of those small events/happenings/milestones of my daily life which once made me feel so happy.

  • The time when I could sing ‘kangaL iraNDAl’ very well perfectly in the same high pitch as in the movie. Ah! The beauty of Reetigowlai!
  • How I could almost always sing Oothukkadu Venkatakavi’s ‘Yoga Yoga’ in Anandabhairavi very well.

(Just how did I let myself reach this stage today when I am forced to not sing at all! I really hope that this is only a ‘This too shall pass away’ phase of my life’.)   

  • How I kept debating with myself on whether to start a blog or not and finally did it and felt so good and grateful that several of them were reading it too.
  • How I finally overcame my dislike for cleaning vessels and stopped citing tiredness or lack of time or sheer boredom as reasons and started making sure that I left a clear sink before I went to bed. I can’t tell you how easy cooking in the morning became once I started doing that.
  • How I finally overcame my anger every time I had to clean a clogged bathroom drain and just kept it as a part of my routine. I am so glad that this house has needed clearing the drain only once in the last 9 months, while previous house needed cleaning at least once a month. If you are planning to rent an old HDB apartment in Singapore, please go in for well-renovated ones!  
  • How I overcame my disgust at having to wash the curd vessel! Just like every other TamBrahm household, curd rice has always been a staple diet in our home too. Even though I like curd rice with oodles of pickle or a lot of sambhar, I never really liked the smell of curd, hated touching it and I just couldn’t imagine washing the curd vessel. Though even today I cringe every time I take it in my hand to wash it, I just don’t complain anymore that I have to do it. Did you know that all my relatives still ask me how I am able to do it That’s how famous my hatred of the smell of curd is.  
  • How I finally seemed to be getting a good hang of playing beginner lessons in guitar and my fingers too had finally gotten adjusted to the pain that comes with playing the guitar. But I quit just when I was finally getting ready to learn it properly without complaining of pain in my fingers and having overcome the difficulty to play looking at the notes and not the guitar frets. But even today when I rarely take the guitar and play the basic ‘Sa Ri Ga Ma’ without looking down at the frets, I know that I should start learning it afresh again. But will I?
  • How I learnt Yoga dedicatedly for 6 months and continued to do it on a regular basis too for quite a while. The flexibility that I gained in 2009 has still not left me, even though I am doing any proper workout now.
  • How I could plait my daughter’s hair the first time I tried itself. I just cannot plait my hair properly. It’s another fact that I only have less hair. But despite that I feel so happy today that I am doing a decent job of plaiting my daughter’s hair.
  • How I started feeding curd rice happily to my babies! The first few times I had to feed plain curd or curd rice to my baby, I used to wish she would eat it real soon since I hated plain curd. But as I realized the power of curd rice and how it always results in filling the baby’s tummy well and helps the baby get a deep sleep, that become my go-to dish for dinner times and after outdoor play times.  
  • How I could sing lovely lullabies and rhymes to my once teeny-weeny babies.
  • How I spent night after night alone and awake with my daughter all through her 8th to 11th month! I consider that a big accomplishment since despite being sleep-deprived and a newbie when it came to cooking and all other chores and no soul around to help out all through the day, I made sure that my baby was well-fed and taken good care of. Nothing else mattered back then. The weekends were when my husband and I would carry our baby and visit one place after another in Singapore, which were only even more tiring but a welcome change from the weekdays.   
  • How I am today improving on the not-losing-my-patience front. There are only two main areas which need improvement now – Patience when my daughter takes her own sweet time to finish (and not finish) her food and patience when my daughter launches off in a dance when I comb her hair even as we are getting delayed to leave for school. More than inner patience, I should keep my mouth shut during those times. I have a long way to go on that front.
  • How I am able to run along with my son. I almost stopped playing outdoor and running with friends while playing hide-and-seek or lock and key etc. when I was in my ninth standard. Now, after so many years, I am glad that I am able to run behind my son when he takes off in a lightning speed. We even jog/run back from my daughter’s school to the bus stop, a distance of about 500m.
  • That moment when my lead called me up and told me that I had gotten a promotion when I was on my maternity leave! It felt so good having a high on the career front too at the same time as on the personal front. Had I continued to work, I might have been waiting to become a Project Manager by now. I do keep pondering about all those ‘ifs’ of my life often.
  • How I happily embraced pregnancy twice despite being dead scared of doctors and needles and hospitals. Motherhood is indeed a life-altering experience!

There might come a time when you might think about all that you have not achieved in your life or you might doubt your own capabilities or there might be those around you who might remind you of all that you have not achieved in your life or all that you are not doing well. But believe me when I tell you that in the larger scheme of life, everything you do becomes insignificant if you just don’t feel happy in the first place. Those small everyday tiny accomplishments matter too in the longer run.

After all, who better than you know what your own capabilities are, what all you really can or cannot do, how much effort that you put into doing all that you have done and what all emotions that you went through during every stage of your life.

One thought on “When you seek inspiration from yourself….

  1. Rekha Shivakumar

    Was discussing something about Alaipayuthey in twitter and somehow ended up in your blog later while googling.. Love love your blog… I was hooked to it for a good one hour in the morning.. Great writing.. Are you in twitter? Would love to follow u there..

    Reply

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