Right from the very first time I travelled to India from Singapore, a whole range of thoughts, emotions, ponderings and what-nots take over me just a few days before I leave, with it all reaching the max on the day of leaving. Among all the thoughts, apart from the cliched ‘How did so many months pass by so soon?’ or ‘Did I do at least one note-worthy thing in all these days?’, one dominant feeling that takes over me is guilt at not keeping the house in a state that I like.

Am neither a perfectionist at all instances nor am I at my brisk max at all times. I often hear others around me justifying the level of disorganization my house is in, attributing it to me being totally tied up with my children all day everyday. Yes the days are crazy yet filled with several fun-filled and cherishable, cute moments. But I definitely wouldn’t say that I can use that as an excuse, at least not anymore.

When I am about to pack up a few dresses, it strikes me how better they will all look if only I had ironed them. When I sit to search for something inside a cupboard, all those well-organized Ikea catalog photos and all those Apartment Therapy and Houzz houses come to mind. Forget about all those online world, my own home in Madras has always been very clean and very well-organized.

A look around the kitchen reminds me of how I am still not able to organize it all in a much better way all thanks to frequent visits by cockroaches. As I see the toys strewn around, I tell myself that I should find out how to teach my children how to keep it all organized.

And in the midst of all this guilt comes the sudden burst of energy that always comes when a deadline is fast approaching and I set out to organize all the cupboards, leaving them behind in a much better state than it was. That was what I had been doing today. Thus, I feel good and contented, despite realizing that minimalism will never be something that I can embrace. We have way too many things and toys at home.

My daughter had her school Annual Day recently. An English teacher of the school who was the hostess of the evening talked about how kids love to think of themselves as heroes in any stories they might like reading/watching/listening and how, as an English teacher, she often gets to read stories which are the creations of children themselves in which they portray themselves as the heroes. It is then that she pondered about how during our journey from childhood to adulthood, we forget about being our own heroes and start questioning our self-worth in itself at several instances of life. How true!

Children indeed are great teachers and it is up to us adults to pause, take a look at things from their perspective and learn a few life lessons along the way.

I am right now at my peak impatient-irritated mood. I wish I could give a nice long lecture or launch off on a yelling spree to my kids about how they should listen to what I say and stop watching TV and play and eat properly instead. But I know that there is going to be no use whatsoever.

I had already reached my threshold limit for asking/pleading/fighting with my daughter to make her eat her breakfast in the morning itself.

I had planned on taking them out to the play area at least for a couple of hours in the evening and just when I was about to leave, my son poured at least a half glass of milk all over the floor and all over me too! I immediately had to seek the help of my babysitter that Nick Jr channel is and launch off on a cleaning spree. Four rounds of mopping the hall with different rag cloths and mop and after a nice, long bath later, I sit to feed my daughter her food when she refuses to start eating and refuse to turn off the TV too.

I am irritated, tired, frustrated and all that. Rather I was. Writing these trivial, everyday happenings here has made me calm down. Just like all those calming deep breaths are supposed to.

I am all set to launch off on yet another fight to turn off the TV, except that this time it will be a calmer-me handling it.