It is one of those rare mornings here in Singapore where it really cloudy and not hazy. Bringing respite from the haze caused by the burning of forests in Indonesia was yesterday’s rain. The cloudy weather still continues.

I am now sitting in one of my favourite neighbourhood parks in Singapore. On a comfortable seat under the shade of a tree with chirping of birds and buzzing of insects for company. I hear the voices of dozens of small children coming from the preschool nearby. The bouncing of Basketball in the Basketball court in the park and the engine of the digger or whatever construction truck it is, are also constant company. Then there are Tamil and Chinese words coming from different directions. As tweets of the birds and the chatter of people continue, I sit in complete silence cherishing this moment of calm that I have got.

From phonics to transitive verbs, o-n-e to minuend and subtrahend, as I traverse from preschool to primary school subjects, this month of September has been one long learning journey so far, the journey not restricted just to studies but also of my own patience levels.

There were two main days when I was at my worst max as I struggled to maintain a calm while trying to make my daughter study for her Tamizh and English exams. For all my claim of being a parent who doesn’t pressurize the child to study, I ended up on that annoying lecture mode of mine as I tried in vain to make my daughter practice some portions. The rest of the exam preparation days went by so well.

Anyway, now is not the time to ponder on the exams, but on the nag that I become every morning as I struggle to get my kids ready for school or many a times when we go out somewhere. Even as I tell myself that I should remain much more calmer, I am just not able to and end up getting worked up so much about even trivial things. I always feel like ‘Jab We Met’ Kareena who fears missing her train and catches her train in the last minute every single time. 😉

The calm had to be tossed aside quite often this month as the children have been at home for most part of the day what with half a day school and holidays and that obviously meant more frequent sibling fights to manage and more tantrums to handle.

Of course, it also meant a lot more relaxing moments with kids as we had a lot more books time, games time and conversation time together.

As I now sit in complete calmness amidst the presence of nature and her sounds, smell and sights and do a retrospection of sorts, I realise that the relaxing moments with the children does outnumber the moments I was a total nag. But that doesn’t mean that my own yelling or lecturing mode can ever be justified.

I wonder if I will ever have an improved level of patience. I wonder if this feeling of inadequacy while dealing with certain moments will ever completely go. That’s when I tell myself that I am just another human being and I really cannot do it ALL all the time. But my quest for inner calmness and improved patience levels will continue and, who knows, maybe someday I might really achieve it.

You know how time and again, it is to my blog that I have turned to for solace, comfort, relaxation and sharing a blissful moment or two. But, this time, I didn’t want to bore you. But, as I browsed through the archives, I saw that this has now become my rant journal in the recent years and, hence, I don’t feel one bit guilty about adding some more entries to it now. 😉

The first half of April saw my children carrying with them all the excitement back from their short trip to India during the end of March and letting it all out in the form of crying spells, naughty acts, tantrums and unfinished lunch boxes which once again translated to more naughtiness and tantrums. The new academic year had started for S and all her close friends had moved to a different section or to a different country. So, she was in a bit irritable mood till she found some new friends. Add to it was the fact that my husband was away on a trip. And then there was the sweltering Singapore heat. By the time the third week of April ended, I was this crazy, cranky version of myself!

These apart, ever since intense heat and sweating took over Singapore earlier this year, I keep having throat issues on and off and because of that, my singing has once again taken a beating! That’s another demotivational thing going on in life.
Continue reading →

While I do know that the dishwashing chore is something that has been done to death in my blog, still, if I don’t launch off on a rant about it here, where else will I do it??!

Sometime during the fag end of October, during yet another frustrating dishwashing spree, I decided that I will try my best to wash the vessels after every meal time. It was at that time that I was having one of those inspiring moments reading Elle Luna’s ‘The Crossroads of Should and Must’. While she applies it to larger visions of life, I thought I will include this mundane task too in my list of things I MUST do as often as possible. After all, without any extra helping hand, I was already doing it every single day leaving a clear sink every night. So why not do it without procrastinating and letting the dishes pile up??

Now, guess what happened after that? I felt as though I was standing in front of the sink more often and yet, at 8/ 8:30 pm as I did the last round for the day, there still seemed to be yet another huge array of vessels!

Now the mind has this cruel way of playing around with your thoughts. Dishwashing is usually that solitary time when it is just me and my thoughts. And, as you obviously know, it is one chore that I just hate. As I let my thoughts go on an overdrive, the first thing it screams out loud, especially on an exhausting day, is ask me why the hell I gave up my career and chose to take on this task instead?!
Continue reading →

You know those crazy days, don’t you? That kind of a day when your child starts to unleash his naughty acts. When he refuses to eat what is usually his preferred food. When you’re sure that you are going to have a crying spree from your daughter because she has way too many things to be excited about and that is indeed what she ends up doing.

Then there is the sink overflowing with dishes to be washed. The laundry waiting to be done. The new school books waiting to be covered and labelled. Dinner waiting to be cooked.

Causing it all was the rainy pleasant weather which gave such a lazy beginning to the day that the already sleep-deprived you just couldn’t pull yourself out of the bed! And when this resulted in you almost dozing off during Shavasana when doing yoga, you can bet this is how the day will turn out to be!

Yes, it is the weather that I am going to blame which resulted in the outdoor play time of R getting reduced which resulted in his poor appetite.

Keeping R engaged indoor needed much more time and energy resulting in all other mundane chores being put on hold.

The weather delayed the clothes getting dried up which postponed the laundry chore getting done.

All these resulted in me becoming as cranky and irritated as my own children. Should I tell you anything more about the state in which I am in right now?

Rainy days are fun only when the only thing you have to do is to sit back and indulge on a hot samosa or a pakoda. 😛 It is no fun when you have a never-ending, ever-pending long list of chores and tasks to be done. Sigh!